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Saturday, April 27, 2002
supwitcha. Vic, fear not, even here I am the same way. I study and or read about 2 hours a week. Granted, things get stressful when I have a paper due, but considering that I only spend about 4 hours working on a paper, the ratio of stressed to unstressed isn't that bad. And about the classroom talking situation--- I was afraid of perpetuating the same thing, but as it turns out, as long as you phrase things well and don't make extravagant claims, the teachers really appreciate intelligent comments, even if it is regurgitating the text, because sometimes the teachers themselves miss things and are interested in what you have to say. Even if it did come from 15 minutes of skimming before class. Haha. Anyway, I had a spider bite in a really weird place this week and for the first time I felt sick from pain. That's a pretty terrible feeling. A moment of reflection on pain is in order for me, actually, because I live in a pain-free existence. I will think about pain, what it is, and how strong the people who deal with it constantly are. this is my prayer to you, Life- let me Love everything that is good, unabashedly.
posted by heinous
@ 21:46
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Just saw Donnie Darko, an excellant excellant movie that I recommend to all of you.
posted by rayve nation
@ 21:24
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Friday, April 26, 2002
Finished with exams and I'm going to get wasted now! 4 days of bliss and packing and figuring shit out. It doesn't matter what I do now, because NOTHING can possibly change this semesters grades, so fuck it man!
posted by Record Album
@ 16:41
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r.i.p. Left-Eye
posted by Record Album
@ 16:40
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this isnt working very well.
posted by vic
@ 15:43
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the last two days have been bathed in this beautiful light that exaggerates the contrast between sun and shade. it's one of my favorite midwest moods. dame edna's been out for the last week and that is always a sign of happy slack. (speaking of - the slackers are playing at the metro on wednesday..wanna go?) nobody except kelly can stand to be in their room anymore. as of now i am in sasha's room listening to neil young. one of my favorite things is to be in somebody else's room when they aren't home. i love the comfort of antoher's filth. i have no idea what i'm doing anymore. i would do anything. i am doing nothing. i know there is something, but it isn't here.
i hand in almost all of my schoolwork late. i have never recieved a reprimand for this, in terms of grading or even glaring. i don't ever study for any exams except for a period of cramming which may or may not occur one hour before said exam. i do about half of all the reading assigned for any class and less if i can guage correctly how much of it is going to be on an exam or in a paper. i have read 3 pages for my sex class. i am getting an A. i write fast, sloppy, but very strong and always opinionated papers that i get good grades on. lot's of time, i dont really say anything except for highly critical responses to the author, whom i almost never agree with, because that's the only way i can stay interested. i rarely speak in class because many of my peers are stupid and only say things that everybody already knows and i dont want to perpetuate that.
so, does this happen to anyone else? am i really at a moron factory? college is a really funny place because despite all this, i really like it here and am thoroughly content in my mediocrity. oh, st. ignatius, i've moved off the island of excellence and joined the mainland. shipwrecked!
four job possibilities i could do:
1.lead education revolution and start my own school, eventually leading to an abolishment of any institutionalized two-party gender system.
2.have an antique store
3.be a teacher/professor/writer
4.no
ok, gotta go. i have the feeling im gonna get CAUGHT! soon in this room. love you all, see you soon!
posted by vic
@ 13:13
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hey! the spark has a new test about your inner child. you all should take it. it's really fun and sick. i want to leave this place now. i cant sleep anymore and we all have heart palpitations. there is some debate over what it is being caused by: nerves (my vote), weather, or tons of smoking. i only have three days left of class. what a joke.
days i will be home:
may 7 - 12
july 10-15
august 21-26
oh! five day stretches. i didnt even do that on purpose. the july one is still pending. share your answers with your friends.
posted by vic
@ 02:53
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Can you feel the summer coursing through every vein, every bone fragment, every star sign?! Can you feel the warm rain and the downpour and the city?! "Why stir up any unnecessary karma at all?" says my horoscope, and in 12 hours, I have to do the following: finish these notecards and cram as much information about developing areas into my head, sleep a decent amount, eat something, wake up early enough to get a place, otherwise I have T minus 4 days until a cardboard box shelters my head, pay tuition, and then run to class! 3 hours of knowledge regurgitation followed by a meeting of post-examites at the Open Air Pub on campus for a fucking relaxing CHILL CHILL CHILL beer! I fucking can't wait.
Mike- yeah, wrong wavelength with that Stanely Kowalski thing, I just want to constantly change my name so as not to be tracked. And I think I told you this before, but the new Air album makes me crazy because it makes me devoid of feeling.
posted by Record Album
@ 01:27
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Thursday, April 25, 2002
yes stephanie, that comment was directed towards you, but I am not sure what you think i meant by it. I was tryign to see where your new alias comes from. Is it Detective Stanley Kowalski from Due South?
posted by rayve nation
@ 01:40
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My horoscope stated that this is the perfect time for self-reflection, and upon reading many old posts in which my main interests seem to be boys and men, I am calling a boy-talk cease-fire. I'll be 20 soon, and it's time for me to stop speaking like a moron.
posted by Record Album
@ 01:01
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If that question was directed towards me Mike, than the answer is no. I never want to go south! I don't want to live south! I can walk the darkened alleys at 4 am in this city, but not in Chicago. George W. Bush does not lead the Canadian public! I can walk to most every place I need to go to and Montreal is so diverse and fucking wonderful!!!
In other news, my sister told my babcya that she didn't "need to find me a boy" because I was beating boys off with a stick. To which my babcya answered "that's because she is doing what I told her to do---smiling nicely, and speaking nicely to them, and serving them ham sandwhiches, although she says that she doesn't put ham on them, but lettuce and vegetables" I got a good laugh out of that in spite of the fact that I'll be hearing about all these fake boys I'm beating with my big fake stick for weeks to come.
posted by Record Album
@ 00:27
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Wednesday, April 24, 2002
due south?
posted by rayve nation
@ 21:54
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Too much of nothing makes me go crazy. Good thing it's exam time AND my horoscope (read so I could wake up on the cold front stoop with a cigarette at 5 a.m.) in the Globe and Mail today said "don't worry you're not crazy" which was really what I'd been waiting to hear for a while. This is why I don't like Spring so much, because it equals babies and white things and bows and daffodils and my backyard with a cringeing squinty eyed smile for Easter and people are pale and sorry. Summer, however, oh my dear dear summer tastes like sumin' sumin' and by that I mean ripe raw everyfuckingthing! Either my old saliva + old coffee or this pepper that I'm eating tastes like burning rubber. It's really disgusting in fact. I think I'm regurgitating cigarette ash. I drew this fucking cool woman on my white board with a star and "Eschuchela, la ciudad respirando" and "what i need is traveling/ minds talktouch kisses spittouch/ you swimming upstream [yow!] sonia sanchez" (brackets mine) and "L'amour n'a pas de frontiere/ Restes car je t'aime comme tu es/ J'ai traverse l'ocean du verbe/ Et je t'ai trouve" (Love has no boundaries/ Stay, I like you just as you are/ I crossed an ocean of words/ And I found you) I'm partial to the end part. I mean, yeah yeah love has no boundaries, but I CROSSED AN OCEAN OF WORDS? Fucking great. Well I gotta go cross an ocean of somethin' else to get this rancid taste out of my mouth. I love you!
posted by Record Album
@ 11:07
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I have an idea... If you guys could all just IM me and tell me the dates you'll be in chicago, I will make a spreadsheet and give it to you guys so that you can see who you'll be able to see. Hopefully there will be a glorious column with all of our names in it. I know it sounds kindof over the top, but it would really be quite helpful, given that it gets a bit harder to get in contact when some ppl come back to Chicago. I wonder if John still reads this, if not I guess I'll send him a postcard like I was supposed to a while ago. for those who of you who might not know, my AIM name is 'muppet vomit.'
posted by heinous
@ 04:56
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for some reason my blogging capabilities are functinoing again. i feel so free!!!!!
posted by rayve nation
@ 01:46
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oh my god we found the craziest tape last weekend. it is this childrens book on tape sort of deal called 'one minute fairy tales' and it tells all of these McDonaldized versions of popular fairy tales. One line from it is "And then he kissed her, and it made everyting ok" It will blow all of your minds.
posted by rayve nation
@ 01:42
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hello?
posted by rayve nation
@ 01:21
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Tuesday, April 23, 2002
i just called the hostel. i was so nervous i had to smoke a cigarette just to dial. they said i didnt have to make reservations bc they're open during that time. ed answered the phone. it's really creepy to know someone over the phone and they dont know it's you, knowing them. he said they were all full for staff right now, but we'll see how it goes when we get there. this is so huge and crazy. it's all i think about. in three weeks i get to be a new person. let the placenta break and the rebirth begin!
im packing up my room extremely prematurely. im so anxious and i cant afford any more pot till we leave so i must occupy my preoccupied mind with personal tasks. oh friends, let's talk all of us about when we can all see each other. perhaps a chat room is in order? heehee...cybertalk.
posted by vic
@ 23:21
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i dont really do this, but i jsut stumbled across the beginning lines of the wasteland and thought i would recopy them because they please me:
april is the cruellest month, breeding
lilacs out ot the dead land, mixing
memory and desire, stirring
dull roots and spring rain.
posted by vic
@ 22:13
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I have no clue as to what I'll do this summer. the possibilities are quickly filling my head. all I know is I'm ready to come home. things I do when I miss home:
look at the cta el map, read the stops
watch jenny jones
read the tribune in the library
watch the lakers and reminisce
complain about how all the news casters are white (okay there are like, two asian ones)
but the good points do not escape me:
OPB (oregon public broadcasting)
the lush greenery that is everywhere
my own house
the lush greenery that is in my house ;)
motherfucking distance
I'm in a state of I don't even know. apathy for the future with regret for the past. lack of satisfaction with anything. I'm going to class and will get good grades. still don't care. I miss my dog. blaaaaahhhh.
posted by K-Lo
@ 01:45
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uh, does anybody really know what time it is?
posted by Kelljoy
@ 01:36
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Y'all are lucky, making summer plans and such. I've got another 6 weeks here! I was feeling sortof anxious today, and by anxious I mean scared shitless, because I didn't know if I was going to be able to complete all the classes for my major considering how much core curriculum I still have to take. So I went to the Dean's office and lo and behold, the RH of my dorm works there. She's pretty funny. She gave me a few degree program worksheets because I told her that I wanted to try and see if I could switch majors. She got me an inside scoop- gave me next years course book (it's 600 pages long, so fun to read). I started looking through it and said, "Hey, this is kindof fun, maybe I should have done this two years ago." She laughed. Anyway, after much furrowing of brows and gnashing of teeth, I realized that not only will I be able to easily major in psychology, but I could also double major in linguistics. Or, I could drop psychology and major in linguistics. The double major would require that I get 2 civ credits somehow during the summer, but a little bird told me that I can do that by studying abroad over the summer. That's for next summer, though. Steph, to respond to your query- This summer, I am working. I am going to get a good-paying work-all-day job. I am going to save up 7.3 million dollars so that when I get back to school here and move into my apartment, I can furnish it. I really don't care for that bare-bones apartment style that seems so prevalent on this campus-- "Unnnnnng, I can't put drapes on my windows because all of my muscles have atrophied except my arms, which are huge from turning pages in my econ book." I'm going to lay down carpet. I'm gonna fucking live in my house. ! I dunno, we'll see how that all plays out. I might also go to germany briefly this summer-- Natalia said I could stay with her sister who will be living there. That might be fun. You know what? I've never left Chicago for more than a week. Ha! Time for me to get my stride on... Vicki, I'd love to get coffee with you. That goes for everybody else, too--- especially if you're going away this summer. I'll be here! Are we all gonna be able to get together some time? Is there a window of opporunity for us? Or maybe it's not a window... it's probably more like those kool-aid commercials in which the frightening kool-aid man breaks through a foam brick wall. You Anyway, I have to go... I think this might be
posted by heinous
@ 01:10
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Hello little apricot how are you today? Oh it's cold cold cold in my hole hole hole. Dancing in my pigtails with some really big sunglasses, I want the warm sun to be here and let me run and drink and smoke. But alas, I'll have to just dance in my room, but Ratfinks home and everything is fun all over again!
She assured me that "vain sexual predator" does not describe me, but she did call me Queen Bitch of the Universe and danced the Robot dance while fake whistling! Her boy is having a 7th grade party in Boston and I want to go soooo bad!
Also, could everyone tell their summer plans already besides Kelly and Vicki?
Moreover, I decided that quality time with my dad will be spent dancing in the kitchen with him to oldies--lots of fun that old man is.
posted by Record Album
@ 00:15
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Monday, April 22, 2002
This last part of the school year is starting to wig me out a little. I think i may be entering a time period where taking caffiene pills all day and chugging prescription cough syrup that looks like baby mucus just to go to sleep at night is an effective lifestyle. Soon enough i will be leaving and saying goodbye to my dorm mates, many of who i will never have the pleasure of (speaking masochistically) living with again. Most importantly, my neighbor femi will be going back to the netherlands, nether to return again. She's leaving the campus for ever after this year, taking all of my shameful secrets, along with that firm round dancer's buttox, with her. Goodvye sweet nieghbor, you who have known my banshee cries of esctasy, you who have found me nose to tiles on the shower floor at three in the morning, you who know my poor and incredibly annoying hieroglyph study habits. You were somehow there for my lowest lows and my...no, just my lowest lows. Goodbye caitlin with your nasty angry attitude and crying boyfriend troubles that keep me up till all hours of the morning. No more pumpkinhead aimee full of lies and brit pop. No more goodwife sarah watching my actions with those persecuting eyes. I won;t miss your stern faced nosy sensibility mary beth. Erica will have no more access to my cigarettes or my time. And i won;t have to hear angela's long stories, fueled by her inability to think cognitivly and belief that i give a shit. A few of you, i admit, i might miss once in awhile, if i have to borrow tape or something and others, well, i won't notice a difference. but seriously folks, should I have not used real names or what?
anywho, i'm glad i'm leaving soon because i can leave all my ever mounting (i wish) troubles behind to scatter back to their parts of the world while i move on to new orleans to become a writer and part time topless dancer.
thank you for your time. I hope to see all of you guys soon.
posted by Kelljoy
@ 15:56
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i really likes that list, matt. im going to be in chicago for five days, may 7-12. you wanna get coffee?
my escapism is getting out of control. reality has slipped away. i am in a wonderful limbo now, la dee da, loop de loo. i just spent the last hour looking at a fashion magazine and when i was still hungry for more sweet unnecessary accessory fabrics and jewels i went online and looked at the dolce and gabbana website. now my head is full of elaborate plans to make incredible outfits for myself in my spare time. i have played out this scenario countless times in my head. my vigor for the plan is always gone by the time i wake up. but oh how i want those outfits now. im getting so worked up thinking about my new life complete with large flower headband, dangling bead belt, and little black bow detail (not all worn together, please). i am sick, so i want to buy things. i think everything is going to be fine when i can surround myself with all my nice little things. oh arent i so put together with my shimmering, triangle cut sequined necklace, oh yes, this large rimmed hat was just perfect for walking down this alley, the gravel goes very well with yellow strappy shoes. these thin large hoop earrings go with everything, even my green glass bracelet.shin-length, big black boots, not stacked - with a foldover trim at the top and sheer, delicately lined hose. out for a little trot in my big red belt and my picnic purse. somebody make me stop. my obsession with accessories has gotten out of hand. i covet them so much. why cant i have a job where i get paid to think i look really cute?
i have to go to bed now.
posted by vic
@ 03:36
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top ten things to do in college, by Heinrich
10. just cut it out.
09. learn how to breathe for enjoyment
08. sleep all day and all night
07. stay up all day and all night
06. ---
07. Just push play.
08. Count backwards and reverse it somewhere.
0 Drop the zero.
10 GOTO bed.
20 GOTO 10
30 END
posted by heinous
@ 01:56
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Sunday, April 21, 2002
oh, how sick i am of everything too. i want to write a long, laundry list of adjectives and experiences, as well, but for the exact moment i am immersed in an overall sense of calm and content. my fatty brain cells are soaked. in two weeks and two days im done, so what-ev.
my dad called my mom worried that kelly and i were going to get roped into prostitution because we are getting jobs on the internet. we all had a good laugh. today we saw gigs as topless dancers for 1200/wk. who's laughing now?
us, all the way to the bank.
posted by vic
@ 22:16
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I just had a lil' giggle when I read that over on the monster. So dramatic, and then it ends with "Stanley Kowalski". Ha ha!
posted by Record Album
@ 21:53
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I'm real angry. Finals are here. Alicia is gone. My roommates suck clit in a really unpleasant fang-having way. I am in that lull of no one really wanting to hang out with me so much. Not totally true, because there are 4 people who I have recently spoken too who I am fine with, but that's it. Fuck everything and everybody. I'm vain. I'm disorganized. My tuition isn't paid. The over-stimulation of the city is finally getting to me. I cannot possibly stand another person passionately YAPPING in my fucking ear. It's like a lap-dog's barking in my eardrum about a non-sensical mess of boys and computer games and bad jokes that aren't funny in the least bit that I've been fucking laughing at for no fucking reason. It's stupid! It's moronic! I'm sick of ungenuine people. I'm sick of fairweather friends. I need an apartment to live in. I'm sick of non-self-perception and cold weather. I just want to run till my legs collapse but instead I have to sit in this shithole and dance for 5 minutes and let loose semi-primal screams that aren't loud enough for those assholes to come knocking. My two best friends here are gone. One'll be home tomorrow though, but fuck I can't take the idiocy anymore and the vanity and the city and the fucking smoke everywhere, the red walls the selfishness and the fake-feminism. Oh, the fake- feminism is hitting me the hardest. I can't fucking take the double standard towards males, and I can't stand the fact that everywhere I fucking look and go, some assholes have decided to hate or just ignore the experience of women. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! And the fact that no one seems to think that women want to see men naked. Fuck you too. Goodbye assholes. Goodbye me.
posted by Record Album
@ 21:51
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6:30 in the morning: I awake. Extreme confusion because the house is a rockin'. First thought: "those two kids from Brooklyn are running really loudly up and down the stairs and it's making the whole house shake! That's some hard-core running!" Second thought: whoa man, my first earthquake! Later that day: I awake again. Go speak to Pasha and Rebbie who inform me that I am crazy and they don't know what I'm talking about. We all realize that it was a dream. Later, when I was at scouts, one of the kids says the word "earthquake". I go nuts. It was really an earthquake, 20 seconds long, 5.2 on the Richter Scale, came up from Platsburg, NY. Shit man, I was in an earthquake! Fucking crazy, huh?
(P.S. Alicia thinks that east coasters say "huh?" at the end of their sentences as opposed to our saying "y'know?" Apparently, y'know is a midwestern thing---can you others tell me if this is right?)
Also, I had a very funny conversation with pops on the phone yesterday. I told him I might be moving into my friend Walter's old house and that I didn't have a place for May yet. "Wait a minute, Walter who called all the time last summer?" "Yeah that's him" "Hmmm....oh! I see what's going on here! You're trying to pull the wool over my eyes! ' I'm talking Walter's apartment' 'oh, Walter hasn't moved out yet.' You're trying to move in with your boyfriend!" He was serious at first, and then as I kept assuring him that that was really not the case, he just kept it up just for laughs. It was very amusing.
posted by Record Album
@ 00:42
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