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Saturday, April 06, 2002
another crazy nite at beloit college, followed by a crazy afternoon, to be followed shortly by another night. tina ramirez and mark bushman called me at noon. what? yeah, tina's thinking about transferring here so she came over to ask me questions. we talked for a long time, walked around and went out for lunch. both tina and mark are really great, but talk about a chance encounter. if you would like to know more, you can email me about it (steph).
posted by vic
@ 18:59
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A mere two hours after I had written that blog, Pasha took her knee out and couldn't move. Thanks to this charming socialized healthcare havin' country, we waited for 2 hours for an ambulance and 4 hours in the hospital. 9:30 was when we finally left. I slept already, but I'm still really tired. The coffee was like sugar water, quite literally.
posted by Record Album
@ 16:06
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"The Handwritin' is on the wall, I just looked up and read it all..."
There's something so forlorn about staying indoors on a Friday night in Montreal. Just blocks away, people are dressed like assasins, all that jewelry, the uncomfortable thongs, the one-night-only sexual tension, the brick streets, the gin and tonics with twists of lime, the leaning over for your cigarette to be lit. All this urban heat is going on so close to me, while I sit here in my Fila Italia t-shirt, feeling like a 12 year old Italian Stallion who feels like hott shit in this shirt. Y'know, I'm from Elmwood Park, my mom is yelling at me from downstairs, all I really want to be doing is eating at White Castle with my cousin Joey and his Harlem Avenue beat busting friends, but instead I'm sitting at this computer, listening to the cats yowl their mating screams, and hearing the Portugese mutterings of the radio show announcer.
posted by Record Album
@ 00:58
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Friday, April 05, 2002
Who is this mysterious Bryan with a Y? Oh! Marisa's Bryan? Bryan, are you offended that I just made you the property of a woman? Anyhow, that link was very fun, especially since I had just been thinking about those electrical tape pictures a few days ago, out of nowhere. I spoke with Ella yesterday in Israel, and I was very relieved to do so, as y'know, the country is almost in flames. She's in the north on a kibbutz right now, and will only return home to the states if school is cancelled. She's so chill about the whole thing. This conflict is consuming everyone here, it seems. Probably on account of the large Jewish and Arab populations in Montreal. There are three rallies today, everyone is up in arms because there has been so much flag burning and racist chanting in the past.
posted by Record Album
@ 13:39
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hi sasha.
posted by Kelljoy
@ 10:12
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sasha now knows about this website, courtesy of bryan stecker, damn him. worlds collide.
oh! and here's something fun that maybe you didnt know about. that is also courtesy of the big b.s., so half and half.
posted by vic
@ 03:34
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Thursday, April 04, 2002
here's some slang from the past: "meet me in the link". whoo-hah! when was the last time you thought that word in that context? i only remember because i just read "liberation theology" in a book and looked up the ignatius webpage. there was a picture of the link. i signed up for their online alumni directory. they have a high-tech, poorly operating webpage. i would link it, but with the feds and all, i better not.
posted by vic
@ 21:03
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Wednesday, April 03, 2002
i have not had one moment's peace since spring break. there is always some scary assignment looming over my head. fuck.
posted by rayve nation
@ 11:35
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too much
posted by rayve nation
@ 11:35
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for fuck's sake, what am i supposed to do? it's smack free tuesday and im drunk; im drunk and i didnt even mean it. im drunk and it just happened because what else can i do when nothing else has any meaning? and caitlin is crying in the hallway yelling, "everything is going to be alright. we're alright" and she yells "what can i do?" too, to this boy on the phone that deserves less of my thought attention than john belushi. she's crying, i'm drunk, my roomate cant sleep.
i have things that try at my attention. i have a person i love a million miles away - i love a ghost. i have a boy in present that could be something really incredible and special and very worthwhile. i have a reallly bad case of depression with bursts of mania (would i have it get back to the opposite - move, MOON, move!). i have friends that i love dearly that i dont know what to do with, the only advice to which i can give being 'just 4 more weeks'. i have things that i wont even think about because those thoughts are too much. those thoughts are left up to an outside force. i have an adoring public to whom i want to say "no, today dicky donrad sings the smiths alone in front of a lone building in manhattan. tonight nobody pays attention for any reason." i miss new york. i miss the anonymity at least. i miss my spelling skillzzz. there are so many things going on. so many things and i am but one person, multiply it by six billion (how many people are there!?) and stir it. what is going on!? why havent we erupted!? i cant even figure out "boy" and "girl", something ive been reinforced since birth with. how is anything working? why arent we all crashing? it's wednesday now. im fixin to pass out.
posted by vic
@ 02:34
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Tuesday, April 02, 2002
The message my father left me tonight: "Hi stefa, chit chat, I have an omega watch in the repair, now I have a white face, white facing. I was in Transitions [the bookstore], now I feel spiritual, call, bye."
posted by Record Album
@ 23:54
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i knew kelly was going to blogg first about "the osbournes". but i second that emotion.
other that that, i cant do jack.
oh! and the name of our band is "do it for dad". im starting to doubt it because at first i thought it was great, especially in the context of what we were talking about, then i realized the possible sexual connotation to it and that made me uncomfortable. is is too much?
posted by vic
@ 21:29
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hey guys, this is kelly. I am doing fine. i am tired of school. I really like the show "the osbournes." i highly recommend it. stay cool.
posted by Kelljoy
@ 21:12
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Monday, April 01, 2002
I just went on a mildly psychotic 2 hour cleaning blitz. I started to wash the filthy dishes in our house and kept going, couldn't stop, had to clean, Ajax, sponges, 250 different types of hidden mold erased, sterile, sterile, sterile, till sex on the kitchen table wouldn't be a far-off dream, but could be made into reality! Sex isn't the real reason why I was cleaning. Actually, it may have been some sort of pent up sexual energy. Heh. Why can't I learn to channel this energy into my studies? The weekend of self-inflicted wounds is almost over.
posted by Record Album
@ 03:49
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this was a crazy weekend at beloit college. a run-down of saturday's events:
joined eminem's vicodin army with sasha and then drank for hours straight. vin vin!!
a boy likes me and gave me his phone number to "study". he is very attractive, stylish and smart and i like him too.
danced with womYn for approximately seven minutes.
got yelled at in an extremely dehumanizing manner, which on this campus is not acceptable. it's really ugly and i dont wanna even think about but i was told something along the lines of "you need to shut-up by shoving my cock in your mouth". i made someone really mad.
stuck a tack in the ass of the queen of popularity. she got so mad. she gave me a lecture about how "when i was a freshman, i didn't try to make friends with people by hurting them." she was so enraged that she proceeded to scream while i stood outside with a cigarette about how she would never talk to me again and i was a horrible wench who shoved a "knife up her ass". i let her do her performance. no dramaqueen counterattack is going to bring me down. i wished i could have been like, "yeah, im old school fat girl yelling. we're playing on the same side, sister. chill out." i eventually sucked up some pride and apologized in a way that let her know that i was on to her. she told me that "i really like you vicki, i like you. i think you're cool" and blah blah blah. i know these damn high school reject rules so well that if i played i would have to give everyone else a handicap just so that the competition was fair.
danced, danced, danced!
went on a drunken stroll involving falling down and sasha really scaring me because i wasnt sure if she was really crazy or not. i wet my pants entirely.
leading to, me, kat and sasha taking a gigantic communal shower. we put on all the heads, pulled back the curtains and hopped from faucet to faucet. we kicked up water and splashed. we also sat on the dirty, hair-filled floor.
talked to a bird at sunrise. i tricked a cardinal into having a long conversation with me. i can mimic the call really well and he/she was changing her tone and trill to match mine. it was intense.
resurrected christ. ate a fat easter dinner with kids in the dorm. mary, our neighbor, made a delicious dinner, the only problem being that by the time we were eating i had become a horrible disaster of hungover and was having trouble interacting with others. there was really great spinach dip, and homemade bread.
kelly wasnt here and we missed her so much it was crazy. we jumped for joy to hear her stomping stride and heavy handed knock.
im pretty much ruined for the rest of the year in terms of giving a good god damn about anything. i have four weeks left and im planning on just gliiiiiiiiding right through and out into summer's sweaty lubrication. cant touch this. (that was really a gross use of lube in that sentence)
posted by vic
@ 03:00
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Sunday, March 31, 2002
Oh god, this overwhelming sense of sadness just overtook me. A friend once said that it would be strange if you were depleted of energy after everytime someone thought of you and I feel like that just happened. That he just got back to school and was telling someone about this weekend and that in turn sucked some happiness or neutrality from me and I'm left all alone and I don't have any cigarettes and Ratfink only gets back tomorrow and it's 9:30 and I am going to listen to this "Take Yo' Praise" song now and sing along with Camille Yarborough.
posted by Record Album
@ 20:32
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I wrote a blog which said "I know this is consumed with tedious details, but it's catharsis for me" I posted this blog, whereupon Mike Ray read it and posted with the catharsis comment, while I was changing my blog and erasing the catharsis part. Ah, the series of events which take place in our blogging lives...
posted by Record Album
@ 20:24
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catharsis -- 3 points for that. I went to see one of spike and mike's animation festival thingys on friday. It was really good. I really really like animation. It allows complete control over audio and visual even more so than the motion picture. If i had more talent or drive I'd totally want to make animated shorts for a living. hmm, mabe I'll make that a project for the summer. Summer is a time when should be more productive and creative, but I never am. I went to the touch supper club again last night. Its this really fun club with a bar and a dancing room in the basement. I shaked my booty all night and it was a ton of fun. I'm feeling kind of blah right now though. don't know why. well, its time to start my paper..
posted by rayve nation
@ 20:19
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"Come on turn me on a concrete street, when you come to my house, don't have no dust on your feet. I'm gonna let you in and turn you out and when you leave me baby you're gonna shout, 'cause I'm a soul girl" -Jeanne and the Darlings
Vicki, you are the second grown person that I know well, to have wet themselves yesterday night. Love it.
"The G.I." left today. I'm glad that it's over. It was just so intense and the results are undefined, yet again. . Yesterday we had the talk: I asked him why he was really in Montreal, what he was expecting, why do it if it was one big tease, etc. etc. I said very lucidly that he was being manipulative, consciously or not (the repeated intense letters which he refused to back up with anything definite), I don't like manipulation, and I'm through with playing games. No more. He asked "how big of a deal is the army thing really?" "a very big deal" (the night before I was screaming I'm a militant radical leftist in bed with a fucking army kid!" (perhaps militant and radical are a lil' bit of an exaggeration, but I was trying to make a point) Then we ate in silence, left, and walked in the begginings of drizzle all in silence. We watched a movie, Siberia, and he played passive-aggressive games---when the movie finished he put the blanket on his head and just sat there. So we went to a "bar-b-q" at Wally's and the hosts went to sleep while we stayed up an partied, and then we went and had cognac and beer at a bar---he didn't have enough tip for the guy after purchasing a round of cognac for everyone and the waiter said "you know it's %15" with a big legitimate attitude. I get extremely uncomfortable when people don't tip well enough---it makes me angry and embarassed, so I had to find him and give him his due amount later. Anyways, nothing was cleared up, but we left on decent terms. It was a good time all in all, but these baby-like actions and overall inarticulate desires is just not for me right now. The only girlfriend he's never cheated on was me...when we were 12 years old. He said he'd make himself change, and I don't believe that for a second, first of all, and second of all I said "So when you are at boot camp, what, you expect me to not make-out with anybody for 4 months?!" and he said no. But we kissed goodbye and he left on his jet plane this morning, and I don't feel bad and I don't feel great, but I feel good about it in general. After he left, I danced to some Etta James, and I was happy, but my heart didn't flutter.
But then I had a really fun day today---went to Wally's and made breakfast with him and his friend (read: sat there, while breakfast was made for me)---hung out with 4 boys (haven't done that in a looooong time) then we went to play frisbee in the street until this lady came to the window that kept getting hit by the frisbee and like guilty kids, we moved on to the parking lot. (Sidenote is that it was beautiful and temperate outside and the apartment is on St. Denis, where all the cafes and restaurants put chairs and tables on the sidewalk when the weather is warm). Back to the parking lot-- I, in classic movie fashion, chose to watch the frisbee as I was going for the catch, instead of the space ahead of me and ran into the bushes and made my toe all kinds of bloody from the concrete. Then we went to the park with our Heine's and played some more, studied at a cafe on St. Denis and topped it off with some excellent vegan food. Me and my chaffed nipples (goddamn you favourite Bears jersey!) have to go do some reading now. Love to all of you. Forilla.
posted by Record Album
@ 20:00
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i walked home with my pants completely wet. it's been a long time. it's good to be back.
posted by vic
@ 04:33
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