|
Saturday, March 30, 2002
I went to the beach today. here are the pictures.
posted by K-Lo
@ 02:50
- - - - - - -
Friday, March 29, 2002
i stopped being so sad. the grime is starting to life from my eyes. it's so funny how much depression affects my actual vision (wait is affect right? i effect your thinking, your thinking is affected, what?). either way, it's starting to lift. im going to stuff my sorries in a sack, mister. (my mom loves that phrase). then im going to stuff the sack deep down inside forever. just kidding! watched the shining again last night - tres bien! love you all very much.
posted by vic
@ 17:48
- - - - - - -
i stopped being so sad. the grime is starting to life from my eyes. it's so funny how much depression affects my actual vision (wait is affect right? i effect your thinking, your thinking is affected, what?). either way, it's starting to lift. im going to stuff my sorries in a sack, mister. (my mom loves that phrase). then im going to stuff the sack deep down inside forever. just kidding! watched the shining again last night - tres bien! love you all very much.
posted by vic
@ 17:48
- - - - - - -
Make-out city! L'international lovah is up this weekend and things seem to be going quite well. Truth be told, I'm having a few problems dealing with this situation in which talking/enjoying one anothers company is the more dominant cause with make-out as the benefit, because it's always been make-out as the cause for hanging out and then talking as the added benefit. Strange, this human relationships business. It was akward at first and then we got drunk and I was all about not understanding this boy who says "okay, just tell me where I should put down my stuff and sleep tonight--on the couch or whatever" because, what? Couch? Huh? Yeah, he has a rrrrrreal fine body though. I'm talking male perfection-- an Adonis, if you will (I don't fully remember who this Adonis character is, but I think he had a pretty nice look to him). I have to make all the first moves though. Not that he's some board or anything but I'm just used to following and not leading in these situations because it's usually a big fat messy rush. Shit man, this is me living my politics and I'm just so goddamn unused to it! I mean it's really no pressure, and that's kind of foreign to me. No pressure make-out? Taking things slooooow? What's that all about? I don't know, but it's nice. All my friends that have met him really like him. He likes bellies. Ha ha, this morning, he had a "dego-t" (sp?) and his army pants and his dog tags on and I was in bed and I was like "holy shit, it's like you're some G.I. and I'm this Vietnamese woman who you told you'd bring back to America and it's all really a sham, and you know it, but I keep asking about America!" Does this make sense to you? It was really funny to me. It's all so strange---I hate the fucking army so much, and so does he, but nevertheless, I keep thinking that there is this sexy element to it. I have also determined that since the monster has fucked me over before, and I'm sure someone in my family is reading this right now and laughing hysterically, that somehow I will get fucked by it again. Till that day comes, peace out.
Oh also, his roommate is an artist, and he got me a print from him. I now own a piece of artwork that somebody gave me as a present---trippy man.
posted by Record Album
@ 17:23
- - - - - - -
is anybody else really sad? i have fallen straight from grace back into doubles at this gray, wet moron factory. maybe i'll get drunk tonight and wallow in my sadness. that might be productive...rrrright. all of the sparkling is gone now. i cant pick up anything. if i go out tonight, im going to have to try, and sometimes that is too much to ask. had a bad dream in which i kept yelling to my mom, "im not a fuck-up" over and over again on the phone. i was sobbing and she was saying that i was indeed and pointed to the last time i threw up from drinking as an example. it was strange as this is not a fear that actively concerns me. my body feels like two hundered pounds of dead air is weighing it down. the taoists say that only .4 ounces of pressure is all you need to make anything in the world happen. it's true, but im just so damn heavy right now and vibrating so, so low that nobody can even notice me (that was not an attempt for pity, merely stating the "facts"). it's raining and i miss peter. this is what people in seattle feel like all the time. where's my little needle?
posted by vic
@ 11:52
- - - - - - -
people, we need to talk about webcams. what is going on? pop-up menus for them everywhere featuring pristine, white kitchens and pristine, white women in slips. who is this marketing to? is this for creeps or geeks? please, could someone shed some light on this unnerving phenomenon.
posted by vic
@ 02:39
- - - - - - -
Thursday, March 28, 2002
ok now he fixed it with a razor it looks mildly sexy
posted by rayve nation
@ 00:25
- - - - - - -
ok now he wiped it off and it looks so nasty!
posted by rayve nation
@ 00:24
- - - - - - -
oh my gawd gregg just rubbed nair all over his hairy hairy chest.
posted by rayve nation
@ 00:22
- - - - - - -
Wednesday, March 27, 2002
I am mildly amused by your montreal antics and I love The Fugees so much. Can't you people just get back the fuck together already?!
Mike-I thought monsieur lovejoy was not into girls?
posted by Record Album
@ 23:32
- - - - - - -
shit steph, we all know you had the hotz for shawn lovejoy
posted by rayve nation
@ 19:05
- - - - - - -
I am so excited, as my bid to makeout with one of Mike Ray's Cleveland posse has been accepted! I'm supposed to select 3 people to make-out with from the list and a description of the one who I already did make-out with. No really people, I did just get genuinely excited about this. Mike---who do I want to make-out with?!
posted by Record Album
@ 18:37
- - - - - - -
Tuesday, March 26, 2002
so I'm in the middle of spring break enjoying doing nothing, but really wishing I was doing something. why do I start so many sentences with so? drinking a corona in my room , trying to avoid the video games and the people playing them in the living room. I will never understand the phenomenon; video games suck. we went to the beach a couple days ago- it was really wonderful. it ws a bit cold and not sunny, rained a little, but it was so great being near the ocean. I love it so much. I saw some sea anemonae (?) and just about flipped out. you can brush their little arms with your fingers and feel them suck trying to catch food. I feel like I've been denied something being 20 years old and experiencing it for the first time. jeez....story of my life.
I've been thinking about a dumb boy for too long and it's making me crazy. it seems so obviously perfect and meant to be and yet it's not becasue nothing is happening- and yes steph, I've tried to make it happen myself. but I can't do everything- and apparently I can't have everything either. I'll never get used to that. I'm in such a blah mood and it makes me sick to think of what would change that.
oh yeah, I'm not rowing anymore. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I let my gpa fall below the minimum requirement for elligibility. I have a ton of free time now. it blows. I really miss rowing. still hate school and have been seriously considering not participating next term and getting a job instead. but I'm really just thinking out loud. I'll keep going until they tell me I can't. I can't wait til I make decisions for myself instead of based on what others want/expect. (sigh)
posted by K-Lo
@ 23:17
- - - - - - -
hellllloooooooo my friends! just read a bunch of old archived shit that i actually hadnt seen before and it was great. we used to be popular - you can check the guestbook.
i saw marisa last night. she's doing good, for all of you that dont got to beloit college. sometimes i get so small i think the whole world goes here.
sasha, kelly and i are in a band! it's for real! they want to call it, "rockacracy", but that is lame. i want to call it "big baby beasts" because that is at least fitting. especially sasha, who played drunk-10-year-old with me today: "mom, you have to move my body because im drunk! mom, why did you give me that vodka. mom, my head, im drunk."
(i have yet another horrible uti, oh the burning the burning...punishment for pleasure, fuckers.)
i had a dream last night that i went over a bridge in my car. it's because i got a little depressed over the weekend and kept thinking, "how many countless bridges have i crossed without flying off them? how many countless times could i be dead, now?" it was a really vivid dream. i went off this scary, water bridge that is always in my dreams, and the water was red and blue from the sunset. i felt the car hit and everything became muted, dark, and pressurized. i knew i was going to be fine, it was just frightening, so i started to try to open my door and get out. then i realized that i had to take care of my passenger who was my best friend - a dog, dressed in clothes with red eyes. thank you pet sematary 2. i watched it the night before until it got so stupid even a 15 year old eddie furlong couldnt save it for me.
(my pipes are on FIRE!)
i am becoming dangerously uninterested in school. i dont think that ive ever been so unconcerned with it in my whole life. oh well.
i made up three rules for school from now on:
1. i will not read anything by old white men - "masters" if you will. okay, i will read some things, but no modern sociological thinkers, please. im tired of reading lies. if you ignore huge chunks of people, yet still make universal claims, im not interested. and no, i dont care that this person thought of this first and this is what we base our studies on, blah, blah, blah...i dont care about continuing the system. revolution!
2. i will not read inaccessible, academic jargon. if an author cannot write in a way that people can comprehend - the author is not a very good writer. made up words do not equal worthy thought.
3. i will not work in small groups made up of tools from this moron factory. i do all the work anyway, so id rather just do it all and not have to consult to a bunch of slack-jaws and "uh-huhs".
i am going to have to break this all to my teachers next year. i am willing to continue this semester in the shame with which i already live.
we're doing fun jewish things for pesach (passover). i am excited. it involves hiding bread crumbs, finding them with a wooden spoon (whittled by sasha!), burning things, and a feather. im not sure how it all works together, but it sounds enticing.
our friend craig is in hungary right now. i gave him pictures for peter and i am promised to get things in return. oh! it's so ridiculously romantic - messages passing through hands across an ocean. i love it.
now to end.
posted by vic
@ 22:23
- - - - - - -
Monday, March 25, 2002
Mind your As and Bs today because I just bought the new issue of BUST, made some Borscht, am listening to an Aaliyah redo and love Afros.
posted by Record Album
@ 20:48
- - - - - - -
steph, your instant message to me was so intense.
posted by rayve nation
@ 01:17
- - - - - - -
Sunday, March 24, 2002
Within 5 minutes, I was ignored by two separate family members on account of t.v. being more important. Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow was wearing a braid in her hair and no bra, which was eons more important than my visiting an orthodox church, or at least in my mother's mind. I feel like my body is containing these molecule-like-reactions of emotions bouncing from chest cavity to chest cavity wanting to get out or at least be temporarily satiated by the nicotene I used to so regularly puff on. But my lungs feel like fake tofu duck at Chu Chai (really greasy and charred and a little bit chewy) when I smoke a lot, due to the residual illness in me.
Friday night I went to a chic young adult party where I spoke to the two women I came with about social activism and how one of them was arrested for marching in the anti-police brutality march here--cavity searched, arrested under the auspices of illegal assembly, something that has become law due to those right wing assholes' anti-terrorism bills. Then we hitched a ride with a computer programmer from old montreal (the location of this rich alterna-kid's vegetarian dinner party) to the plateau, my neighborhood. Talked about a lot of activism topics, though---very cool. Yesterday I went out with the new roommate and her friends--they were an interesting bunch. It was strange for me at first, being non-Jewish, because I was used to being the one who part of the culture, not the outsider, but it all turned out alright in the end. I may have found a house, but I'm not fully sure what the deal with it is yet---I'd have to take a bus to school, but I get my very own neighborhood. None of this student ghetto bullshit.
This boy is visiting me and I really am getting ambivalent about the whole situation, so I'm gonna go do some yoga now.
posted by Record Album
@ 23:06
- - - - - - -
Andrew WK
posted by rayve nation
@ 23:03
- - - - - - -
hey steph my brother got accepted to mcgill. maybe he'll be going to school with you! He's visiting the school some time this month, so maybe you'll bump into him (or maybe not).
posted by rayve nation
@ 21:55
- - - - - - -
hahaha...i just erased everything i typed. but - to play a little trick, i shall type it again, just to prove that useless words can be repeated.
a level of post-trip bliss has worn off. the golden glow has faded and has left its heavy lessons upon us. sasha has schizophrenia/retardation but it's okay because we all have problems of our own.
kelly was annoying me two minutes ago, but then i erased this and she ceased. im in brenda's room on her computer. im going to sleep over and i cant wait. her bed feels like an archie comic.
yeah, so we've all gone crazy i think it's fair to assess (how do you spell that?). the smiths are playing on kelly's computer. the song about "throw your skinny body down". it's been playing all day. once we graduate from college, if we should choose to enter the "real world", our soundtrack is going to be severly cut - just to let you know.
speaking of the real world, kat and i have decided that we are going to audition for the real world, send in tapes, do the whole thing, and when they pick us (cause we're great - why wouldnt they?), we're going to be like, "nevermind" and then do that ass-sizzle motion im so fond of. !!!
i should go to bed soon. that neil young "tin soldiers" song is playing on kelly's computer. that's a freak of nature.
today we went to a crazy place that you get to by walking down railroad tracks and then through bramble bushes, past a dirty mine lake, down the road, across from a snake-pit, into a cavern and then you find an abandoned school bus. it's spray-painted and falling apart and completely demolished. you can see the floor move underneath my feet, according to kelly. there is broken glass everywhere and bullet holes in the frame. the steering wheel and all the mechanical wires have been pulled out. there are three bird nests where the windshield used to meet the metal. i thought that i had been there before and janna said it felt like home. if you guys come and visit, i'll take you there. and you know youve never seen anything like that!
goodnight my friends. love you all.
posted by vic
@ 02:28
- - - - - - -
|
