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Saturday, January 26, 2002
Dear Diary, guess what? That boy, Jesse, puked three inches of crappity crap crap in to my bucketty trash bucket and then said "sorry about your garbage can" and left. Asshole.
posted by Record Album
@ 22:24
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I couldn't tell if the post before last was supposed to be read like a novel, or if it was real life, but fuckin' a, that revolution shit is so fucking hard and I'm almost sorry that I couldn't see you saying it with coffee and a smoke. And I really hate to be the follow-up post to it, b/c that just knocked me on my ass, and everything is fucking rooted in sex. Shitfucker. Max left earlier from the ukie party at my house and said something about talking to me later if I answered the phone and he kissed my neck in front of everybody---unprecedented. But that piece of shit just expected me to wait by the phone like some fucking hound dog??! and fuck you! There's a half-breed Ukrainian out on the couch who I let stay over, b/c he kept saying "The last time I was this drunk I was taken to the hospital because I drank a whole bottle of Jack Daniels" and in response to 'how are you' would say "I'd be better off if you chopped off my head and cut my body into small pieces".
And smoking...how the fuck am I ever gonna give it up?! Smoking is sexy, shit I know the health risks and I constantly try to deny them, but that one lone cigarette hangin' is just fuckin' hot. There is gonna be this period in my life where I have to give up smoking, saying "fucking", and eating animal products and it's gonna be the worst time of my life, but by that point I will have convinced myself that it's what's right.
posted by Record Album
@ 11:06
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and this is semi-unrelated to the following post, but i wonder how long my life is going to be related to the bad girl: dark eyes, drunken, brushing my nicotine stained teeth in the sink in the morning while the swim girls get ready for their meet and dawn rises in my window.
i have tried. i have removed the male component from this archetype and it still remains. i am all whore, and no virgin.
even my mom knows that the extreme doesnt get anything done.
posted by vic
@ 07:15
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i see his legs crossing all over her breasts and he's gonna disagree with me about how everything is rooted in sex!?!?!?
i just dont understand how this world can be so rooted in its own hypocrisy. such adamant denying. who do they think they're fooling?
arsalan says im crazy. he says im crazy and then he waits around to outlast me so he can make out with my best friend. where have i been wrong? in which way could you catch me not seeing this coming? (at beloit college everything is based in being the last one awake! oh! will your hot, volcanic powers spurt this long!? how much life force can you give!?)
the point is: i go to bed alone. i go to bed knowing that what i envision will never take place. and i go to bed right. every night.
they're making out right now: arsalan and kelly. it's almost 7 am in the goddamn morning, and im drunk and they're making out in the pool room to liz phair, who arsalan despises (what kind of moron is he!?). dont tell me about the nature of the universe. dont tell me about economic anything. it's sex. i dont care if it reflects a preoccupation with sexuality on my part, check yourself. be honest. it's sex, isn't it, baby? come on, go waaaay back. i thought so. come 'ere.
so much bullshit, so little wine.
i dont know how im even going on in the universe after times like tonight. and i have to be honest, i miss peter like i miss everything in me, because i know that at least he would be the one to give me the other side. he would be the one to say, yeah, you're right...but here's your catch..and it's hopeless...but it's not your fault. i love you.
fuckin a'. i miss it in the same way that i miss every street in chicago. how i can say the number to every name. i miss it like home.
the mind revolution is not going to be easy. i dont care about taking place in a practical revolution. i care about blood. kill me if you will.
and if it cant be blood, then i will impregnate the minds of this world, every single one i come into contact to, with the seeds of revolution. and let my children be born in the battleground of your heads. let my children spawn from your mouths. let the saliva that formulates on the corners of stifled lips bear full fruit. be plentiful, and multiply.
tell me one more time that it isnt all about sex. i dare you. watch my revolution grow.
posted by vic
@ 07:03
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Friday, January 25, 2002
Alright, so it's basically raining men on my head and I'm not sure what to do with myself (I know this is a very 'my diamond shoes are too tight and my fifties are too big for my wallet kind of problem). I don't know how this is all coinciding, but somehow it is. Danylo called me yesterday, after having received the letter I sent him. And Jesus H. Christ, I really did not believe that this level of sexual tension could be experienced over a fucking phone, but oh yes it can. There were plenty of long silences in which we just were listening to each other breathe (not in a creepy kind of way, but in a really 'yow' kind of way). And to cut a long story short, he wanted to come visit and I said that I don't know that I could have that. What it really is, is that he continually has stressed that "you know where long distance relationships lead" (read: they go down a road that's paved with good intentions) and I think that it would just make me lose out if he were to come up here. Even though I have a really strong connection with him (in spite of that little stint he's doing in the fucking killing machine), he would come up here and we'd have a great time for a weekend, and maybe even continue semi-visiting each other, but not all that often. In May he goes to boot camp for 15 weeks. He's out in august. Then maybe we'd see, but I don't know that this is the time. So if he would visit, the montreal boy would definitely feel like an ass because I'd be dicking around with him, and I'd lose out hanging out with and making out with a kid that I like. And why lose that for a pipe dream?
posted by Record Album
@ 14:17
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Thursday, January 24, 2002
Alright, I realize that the drunk post wasn't really all that well-thought out and all, and I was just mixing sex and love in to one big pot a la the syndrome of the united states. Just talked to anya on the phone and motherfuck all this teen angst shit I felt for someone just came burbling back, and I got this view of myself as someone that you hook up with and is "cool like that" or whatever, but not that you stay with and it just made me into such an anger ball. And all you need is love, man. Had a good conversation with my brother today...him "how's your boyfriend?" me: "uh, he's not really my boyfriend..." "oh, sorry, how's your looooover?" What? where did this brother come from? He was also like "send us some pictures of yourself so we can have some around the house and all" and I was again like b'dee b'dee okay. FUCKER!!!!!!!!!! Playin' with fire and I might get burnt but that might just be after I burn someone else.
posted by Record Album
@ 23:12
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yeah vicki i am going boy crazy as well. Im goin nuts actually, and this premature spring weather isnt helping one bit.
posted by rayve nation
@ 19:33
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well steph, i'll be honest - im not so sure what the hell you were talking about with that last one (plus, im a little shocked by your puritanical slant: sex as inherently not universe helping? we wouldnt have gotten this far without it!). anyway, i will respond as if i get it. personally, i was a kinder, more understanding, more loving, less quick to anger person around peter, and that's gotta be good for the cosmos. however, we werent having sex so it may not be a good example. on the other hand, i am still fucking great all by myself.
ok - i think the way that it might be is that being alone is wonderful, and totally the way to go because there aren't that many people in this world that are deserving of the devotion of time, efforts, and sexual energy it takes to having a relationship. so being alone wins out most of the time as the smart decision. but if ever you should come into contact with somebody who is worthy of your self, it beats alone any day. maybe the problem that always happens is that people's standards aren't high enough. i wish we could teach people to have some self-respect in this country. i feel so bad about it. we produce this gigantic insecure teenage girl of a society. do you think that there may be some way to revolutionize the teens? god i love the idea of a youth revolution so much, not kumbaya and cardboard signs but stay drunk stay punk one-two fuck you renegade shit. i was talking to my mom and she said that im too radical to get anything done and basically an idealist and that when you get older you get over this desire and start to see things in terms of a bigger picture. it made me a little mad. then i looked up idealist in the dictionary and one of the definitions is one who is unrealistic and impractical; a visionary. i dont mind being impractical if i get to be a visionary too.
i cant remember where this was going because i just got interrupted for 4 hours.
oh, and p.s. im totally boy crazy.
posted by vic
@ 17:36
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Just got back from drinkin' beer with wally and co. He is pretty goddamn depressed about various things, but we had a good time. Went to his place and talked about relationships and politics, then went out to a bar with his buddies. Even though they were talking cultural studies/slightly pretentious talk, it was pleasant and I enjoyed being the observer.
Previously I had this "ohmygod haven't had a permaboy in a while" stupid freakout shit until I realized that that attitude was so fucking unrevolutionary and status quo. Then I began to realize that people who haven't had a "special friend" or "significant other" or whateverthefuck you want to call it, remain untainted in a particular way. Then, with the first "serious" or what have you (quotes are post-modern) significant other they become affected in such a way as to believe that they cannot be alone, b/c 'that is the worst travesty that could befall a person', but really, being alone is wonderful in its own way. Yes, you aren't getting ass on a regular basis, but that frustration can be alleviated by masturbation. And in turn, you are fueled to produce brilliant thoughts on other levels, which make the world a better place. And for that reason I do understand the catholic way of laity being celibate, because you have much more focus and genious when your head is not encompassed with many a 'deviant' thought on getting laid, or even getting off. And how can you really tell someone that they are better off alone? Are you really better off alone? Is helping the cosmos a worthy sacrifice of yourself? Or should you just fuck the universe and get off whenever you please? Most people choose to fuck the cosmos, but is having a regular thang really and truly fucking the universe?
posted by Record Album
@ 01:34
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Tuesday, January 22, 2002
happy b-day, kellevator. don't let the man bring you down.
matt, yes yes yes. I agree completely. dogs are great. I miss Belle so much. she does that muzzle in armpit trick too, but for her that's more of a hey, you look at me kind of thing. her 'hugs' are more of the sit on your foot and lean, releasing all her weight on your leg variety. aw, man. I'm getting verclempt.
in other news, I have a great big crush for the first time in a long time. he is so so so great. he's sorta kinda involved or something. maybe. someone else's booty call basically. and she's a friend of mine. I'm thinking there's probably no way I could make this work without some kind of drama, which really really sucks, because I don't think I've ever met a guy who I could picture saying 'yeah, he's my boyfriend' about until now ( oh wait, there was one. initials D and K. haven't thought about that in a while. hmmm). so this is really good, but really bad. really really. I wish the Rev. had someting to say about this. hey, shouldn't we be thinking about costa rica?
I went sledding and snowmobiling on the mountain on saturday. great fun. then I went to a party. more fun fun. sunday and monday were gonna be the days I got shit done, but alas, my friends showed up and got me drunk on sunday and then yesterday I uh, well, shit. let the good times roll.
posted by K-Lo
@ 16:32
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Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, lieber Kelly! Ich hoffe, daß Ihr 19.jahr mit Liebe und Glück gefüllt wird.
Warmest Birthday Greetings, dear Kelly! I hope that your nineteenth year is filled with love and luck.
Steph, that is really crazy! The last time I spoke to J. Wright... and actually one of the only times, for whatever reason, I was driving home from summer school last summer, and he was sitting in the passenger seat of a car next to me, and shouted "HEY IGNATIUS" and then asked me if I was going to so-and-so's party. I said "YEAH" as I drove away, but I really meant "PROBABLY NOT." I think Jason may have been "pulling your chain" or tirando del pelo as they say. But anyway, ladytron rocks and so does Peaches and Gonzo, but you know that I think because your handle is Lovertits. There's this huuuuuuge concert at UCLA or some stupid place during my spring break and it's 50 dollars a day for like a million good bands... I really wanna go, but I dunno. I wish my break matched other ppl's breaks, that's for sure. I think a field trip is in order for Matt Heinrich really soon... I miss the road. Any suggestions guys? I'm thinking along the lines of this weekend or next weekend. I also miss my best bud, Boots. I found myself drawing a picture of my dog in psych-stat today... Dogs are so great, so so so so so great. He has such a personality, he has the most expressive eyebrows and mouth of any dog I've ever seen, and he is living proof that dogs know what's up. sometimes he'll just lay across the room from me, staring intently at me, breathing deeply, making eye contact, and after a while he'll saunter over, wag his tail meekly, and continue on with his business.. mainly laying down or eating. whenever I come home after a long time he finds the strength to climb up on the couch to give me a hug.. my dog gives hugs by putting his muzzle in my armpit, it's really cute and very obviously a sign of affection, because he lets out a big sigh whenever he does it. vicki, I think that whiskers is pretty much in the same boat as boots as far as personality; although Whisker's misanthropy is kindof strange, I've gotten the same kind of knowing stares from that cat. I bet your cat and my dog would be friends, seriously. Or, they would kill each other. but boots loves all animals, because he's a bird dog and doesn't have a killer instinct, just a retrieval instinct.... lalala I love boots. ok, I'm rambling, I'll see you guys later.
posted by heinous
@ 01:46
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Monday, January 21, 2002
I talked to Jason Allan tonight who was all "I heard you had a boyfriend" and I was all "who did you hear that from?" fearing he had been reading the monster this whole time and after some prodding he reavealed his source...Jonothan Wright. Remember him from high school? Remember anything from high school?...Yeah anyways, I was like, "oh yeah, who does he think is my boyfriend?" and he was all "matt heinrich". wha? Dear matt, when did I become your fake girlfriend? And why does Jonathan Wright of all people think this?
posted by Record Album
@ 22:42
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Number one: Happy Birthday Kelly! Looks like number 19 will be a memorable one for you...Why does everybody always gotta be all up in people's faces on their birthday's? I hope that this year is filled with lots of gold stars and pink ribbons for you!
Number two: on saturday morning, the montreal kid kept saying that he needed to take a shower in french, and I couldn't stop laughing because he was saying that he needed to "douche" ha ha!
Number three: to all you ha80 kids, what up with the voyeuristic double standard, huh? you can spy on us, but we can't spy on you?
Number four: Everyone make mix tapes and send them around b/c they're the fucking best things on earth. (That one goes out to my homie mike ray for making my ladytron experience possible)
posted by Record Album
@ 19:48
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well well well, i hate authority: the sequal! i'm pretty sure i've out sequaled the Land Before Time at this point. Littlefoot, i don't think you or I will ever find peace in the big valley (or whatever i hate that movie more than An American Tail. It's all depressing and scary.) So Beth the RA instated a new rule right when we got back to school: No Puking. that's a great idea Beth. Now i didn't see her, but appearently she saw me sometime during my hour and a hlaf stay in stall number three, and decided to write me up. "Well hey Beth, Residential Life called me today, I didn't get to talk to them, they just left a message. Do you think they want to wish me a happy birthday...
YOUROTTONSONOFABITCHRATFINKI'LLFUCK
INGMAKEYOUPAYFORYOURUNJUSTRULES!!!"
Well excuuuuuuuuuussssse me! Next time i need to puke, i'll just hold it in and die.
I didn't cause any trouble and I really don't think one throwing up fit is anybody's business, and esspecially not the business of an RA who i'm extremely surprised even knew my name. Look, if i wanna drink tequilla and throw up to the ceilla, it's none of your business. Moral of the story is there's only one true judge and that's gawd, so chill, and let my father do his job. i'm gonna give that dirty hypocrite a piece of my mind and by that i mean fume and maybe write beth stinks on her dry erase board and steal the little marker that tells where she is off her door. passive agressive 4 eva.
PS: that swingers thing looks really gross in writing
PPS: I'm kelebate, remember?
posted by Kelljoy
@ 19:15
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man, oh manoshavitz. this is the first day this semester that i didnt get any sleep on and it's painful. i always get so cold when i dont get enough rest and it's really stupid to gamble with that in this weather. kelly and i stayed up till 5 am last night trying to outlast this boring couple that was talking in the basement. we won.
so, this past weekend, after much pushing on my part, we had a little tequilla party. it was supposed to be a "worlds collide" party, but that ended up not happening. there is a group of gals that hang out here, and a group of boys that hang out in a dorm on the otherside of campus and they are traversed mainly by our friend jonathon. i really want to mix up the sexes because, shit, it's winter and i'm a healthy 13 year old girl with hormones raging. unfortunately, (or whatever - i was only interested in one of them anyway) only half of the boys showed up.
i had been plotting to get on one of them for sometime, although he is on both kelly and my super-secret-makeout-list (or "Boys That We Could Get With, But May Not Necessarily Want To"). tequilla ensues, kelly throws up a record 30-40 times, and STILL manages to get it on with the boy that i had been talking all this over-confident shit about all nite long - "oh, im Soooo in! blah blah blah, im gonna get some tonight!" i even shaved! i got a (go with him, haley) da-da overly moist kiss on the forehead.
it all worked out in the end because
1. kelly got written up for violating a brilliant new rule in our dorm: no puking. now the entire dorm has to go to a special alcoholics meeting tonight. rrrright...
and 2. kelly and i are now swinging wives. more on this later, as it develops...rrrrowl.
beloit's getting even smaller and more familial by the second. let the deviance begin!
posted by vic
@ 16:38
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happy birthday kelly. i hope you get everything you deserve.
posted by rayve nation
@ 12:56
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it's kelly's birthday today. too bad she's being a royal tenenbaum pain in the ass.
tales from beloit college are coming soon...
posted by vic
@ 12:51
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