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Friday, November 23, 2001
Jobs and picking one and choosing a "career." Who the hell wants a career? A big fucking SUV you have to push fifty years down the road to the retirement finishline where you can pick up your key. But hurry up and decide which textbook you want to devote yourself to, you've got four years to think about your life and your happiness and what that means and how you want to grow up and fit in or how not. Well, two and a half. Then again, it is possible to be happy the unconventional way. What's your supertalent? Can you write like Faulkner? Play guitar? Are you like Bob Dylan or Kurt Cobain? What, you think you can make a living appreciating shit?
posted by egeus
@ 03:38
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Tuesday, November 20, 2001
At this point, i'd pay screech to fill in for me. twice what he makes working for Mr Belding.(belated response) Slackers show was real hep, but not being hardcore and all, i stayed drunk to stay punk. that was actually my first trip to the fireside ever, and here's me two years too old to dig it.
Can't wait to go home and rock the ridge! mmm feigned excitement. but seriously folks, i am happy to go home. and maybe if park ridge plays it's cards right and takes me someplace nice for once, (like the opera, just once will it let me know how much i mean to it) I'll do some old school rocking. MAIN ENTRY: OLD SCHOOL ROCKING:See: sit in my room and be surly. Speaking of sit in my room, i had a college encounter of the blurred kind. It wasn't really blurred, but i want so badly to use "close encounter of the third kind" in a clever way. please mommy, tell me i'm good. For example, if i had a run in with ravers i would say "plurred kind" or if someone had been drinking and shouting, i would say that some people had "an encounter of the slurred kind" etc. Anyway, college encounter.
Setting: It's about 3 o clock, but the winter sun has already made it's rounds and is just leaving work. The lights are off and my room is eerily dark, save for hte glow of the computer screen. about 2 weeks worth of intense mess has accumIated, filling every nook, cranny and crevice of my room, like caulk on an englisjh muffin (feel free to replace caulk with the vulgar substance of your choice). Sitting hunched at my desk, I have made the decision to let this last caffeine pill ride itself out and then take a nap. While i sat there, my brain snapping, suddenly, there came a rapping, as if someone was gently tapping, tapping at my chamber door. "Tis some visiter" i muttered, rapping at my chamber door. no i didnt. someone knocked. I said "yo!" they didn't come in. "you can come in!"
Enter: girl woman. Is she a college student or a legitimate woman. i don't know. i still don't know. "Hi, this used to be my room (i used to live here ya know! this used to be my house! i kissed my first boyfriend here they said he was scarred! scarred for life!) Do you mind if i show some people it?
ME: uh, okay sure
Girl/woman: can i turn on the light?
ME:(sheepish, as i have been caught being creepy) uh heh heh sure can
ENTER: 3 children between the ages of 6 and 8. what? i guess kids are people too.
G/W: this was my room at one time. I decorated it different though (flash to my barren walls and bulleton board full of pictures of my cat). See, she has a room mate. They have two of everything. Two beds, two desks, two chairs, two dressers.
awkward silence. why are you bringing children here? they don;t care about your old college dorm, they're little kids, they just want sex.
Child: why is it so messy?
Me: I do my best.
G/W: well, this room isn;t just her bedroom, but it's also her living room, dining room, kitchen, and study. (points to hotpot) See? kitchen. and i'm sure she has a refridgerater some where around there.
I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! - johnathan merrick
Me: uh, yeah, over there and there's a microwave. kitchen.
children=unimpressed
silence
Child: can we go?
G/W: yes. (exit children) Do you want me to turn the light back off?
Me: uh, well, (do i save myself the trip or do i look like a functioning human being?) uh you can...
G/W: i'll just turn it off.
thanks.
And that's the second time a person has come at an awkward time to visit their old room.
So i'll catch all you hepcats on the flipside and i'm looking forward to it.
posted by Kelljoy
@ 23:48
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Hey, sorry about that. Back to normal now. Yeah, steph, I like that idea.. some bleers or something would be good. I just really do not want to get really trashed, because I have been doing that for two weeks straight and it's really not my style. Come to UofC if you need to do research, I know how to operate the library pretty well, and it is a fucking fantastic library. ok, see you guys.
posted by heinous
@ 01:35
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Monday, November 19, 2001
yo yo yo babies. Wha the fuck?! I want to go home now and stop listening to school. I'm gonna have to do all kinds of mother fucking research at home at U of I or perhaps even U of C because McGill has the worst funded University library in Canada. Fuck that. And also, I like the suggestion about doing adult stuff...I'm all up for it, as long as I can have 3.5 beers and a half pack of P-Funks to deteriorate my life away, right after we stop Mmm sweet sweet additives. What's up for this coming week? Fuck the pains away! I just spent too long in the library doing stupid research and came home to be unappreciated and yapped at by carla. Fuck that 100 times over.
The monster hasn't seen high talk like those past few entries in ages
posted by Record Album
@ 20:27
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i fixed yr post, matt.
i am still up working on this exam.
no likey.
i agree that we should all get dinner like grown-ups...hmmm, should that be before or after my pot-smoking contest? GROWN-UPS NEVER. FUCK-UP 4-EVER.
ok, im in trouble.
i need to shower. i stink like no one's business. i went to the slackers on sat. night and i still havent showered the stench of dancing for hours in polyester knit off my body.
matt, i dont think ive ever met a man who has gone as far for pussy as you. god speed and god bless. you should get a street names after you... 421 Pussy Lane.
posted by vic
@ 09:03
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I had a portion of my tongue removed on saturday. A doctor stuck a needle into my tongue several times, and then cut out some of the flesh under my tongue with a scalpel before the novacaine had a chance to kick in all the way. Then he grabbed my tongue with a tweezers and the nurse put stitches in my tongue. I haven't been taking any pain killers, and guess what? I THINK THE INTENSE PAIN IN MY MOUTH HAS DRIVEN ME INSANE. but that's ok, it's worth it, my tongue has been elongated an inch, and it won't hurt anymore in a week. I got this surgery because I like eating pussy but it hurt real bad whenever I did it because my frenum would get caught in my teeth! so now it will be more fun or me!
ps: most disgusting paragraph ever. I AM NOT HUMAN, I AM MEAT
posted by heinous
@ 05:50
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hey, funnny joke
what do you call it when you're hungry, horny, hungover, horribly sleep-deprived, and homesick, all at the same time?
COLLEGE!
one "ha" for each "h" in the joke
posted by heinous
@ 05:37
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I bolded the whole page!
eye /\/\ N 3L33+ h4x0r
This one's for all my dead homies, layin' in the ground.
posted by heinous
@ 05:32
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RE: jesse spannow
Jessie and I were not lookin' so pretty
we hadn't been well in a while
we ran outta cash and we ran outta pity
our demeanor lacked what you call "style"
so what good is the make-up
and what good are the makers
if nothin
can make you
feel gooooood
-Kid Dakota (the second stanza is irrelevant, I just like it)
my pills are little and blue. they're for sensitive stomachs. like mine. oooh, I'm gonna cry, my poor baby stomach. I want to spend the rest of my life smoking chocolate malt ballz and watching Evil Dead 2. It's 5 FUCKING AM AND I CANNOT SLEEP FOR TWO MORE DAYS
THIS JUST IN:
Smoking Marijuana causes you to fail!
My mom called tonight and asked me what I was up to.
"Working on my paper."
a chorus of laughter in my room
mom- "Oh, ok. Tell your friends I say hi. Good luck with your paper!"
I love my mom.
We are all going crazy, and I suggest we don't party too hard over thanksgiving. Let's go to a restaurant or something grown-up.
I hate it when you can't stop shaking
more to say...
oh yeah RE: paranoia about the monster
I'm afraid just clearing your browser history will not cover the tracks, because for
SOME FUCKING STUPID REASON
this entire website and all of its contents are ARCHIVED and CACHED at google.com
sooooooooo, if anyone of your friends who is bored and net-saavy should, perchance, put your name
into google, (like this: Matt Heinrich Matthew Heinrich M. William Heinrich Matthew W. Heinrich Matthew William Heinrich Heinrich, M. Heinrich, Matthew) they will see EVERY OCCURANCE OF YOUR NAME ON
twoheadedmonster and be introduced to this SAVAGE wasteland of crazy high talk. And, since it is cached, there will be no getting rid of it, ever, for a million years.
I hope no one here plans to run for office, or plans to go into any other high-ranking field of work.
WE ARE BEING WATCHED BY THE FBI.
I love you all dearly.
And miss you terribly.
hugs, not drugs
posted by heinous
@ 05:30
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beloit college = camp fuck yourself
im so tired of this girl who wears tons of makeup standing in the bathroom for ungodly amounts of time at night thereby making it extremely hard for anyone (me) who wants to take a shit in peace and quiet to do so.
"everybody, put your ass together" - kelly
who took my sandwich? that was my dinner, you fuckers!
i want my hot pockets back, you assholes!
jitterbug.
boys boys boys boys boys.
noids noids noids. smoking weed, smoking weed, drinking beer, doing coke.
(i can visualize kelly reading this and thinking, "you dont do it right")
did you guys know that i know kelly so well now that i know the sound of her cloddish footsteps walking down the hall as well as the sound of her pissing? HUH DIDJA!?
im so popular, everybody loves me. no seriously.
I NEED A HOT BEEF INJECTION.
it's getting desperate.
this is rot-ass, signing off.
posted by vic
@ 02:10
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Sunday, November 18, 2001
hey vicki the new basement jaxx album is so hott. it takes 1993 to whole new levels. plus there is an airbrushed monkey on the cover!
posted by rayve nation
@ 20:27
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Oops I did it again, I played with someone, who is my crush's friend, ooh baby baby. When it rains, it pours!
In other news, K just informed me of this ridiculous male counterpart to the View show, The Other Half, involving a doctor, Mario fucking Lopez (AC Slater), Danny Bonaduce, and Dick Clark. I nearly pissed my pants laughing at that.
Michelles mom was in town and she gave us various advice such as "you girls are smart, pretty, and come from good families...you just need to be quiet! Stop talking! You talk too much, and that is why you don't have boys" "boys only want food" (is this a distinctly ukrainian perspective? that's the only people I've heard that from) and "if a boy sees your messy room you are burnt for life!" We were all a little tipsy and m. and I were laughing our asses off about it. 5 am, no meteors visible in this cloudy sky. We won't be seeing another one of these until 2099, when I am 117 years old.
"
posted by Record Album
@ 04:16
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Jessie's Song
Jessie joins a singing trio with Kelly, and Lisa but finds that it is difficult to find time for singing and her studies. Jessie starts to take sleeping pills so she can keep up on everything including a particularly difficult Geometry exam. Things start to fall apart for her as she becomes addicted to the pills. Slater finds pills in Jessie's bookbag while looking for a pencil for class. Slater confronts her but it does no good. Zack doesen't believe Jessie has a problem even though Slater tells him. Zack ultimately discovers Jessie's addiction and tries to help but at first she won't listen. Jessie eventually agrees she needs help. During one singing tryout Jessie screams "I'm so excited" as part of her song but the pills have made her so excited that she sounds terrible, and tired. At the shows end, music executives come to the Max to watch the trio sing. Jessie is absent because of her problem, and Screech has to fill in.
Is that what you want, Kelly...for Screech to fill in for you?
posted by Record Album
@ 03:47
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