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Friday, October 12, 2001
It's been such a nice day today. My girls and I sat around the kitchen table shoving pierogies down and talking about boys. We talked for a long time until a Republican came and busted our fun up with his Republican views. Now I'm scraping my shit together for a mid-term on monday, and I like the material I'm reading: Social Movements are brilliant. I have many an e-mail and phone call to catch up on, too.
Kare Bear (that name is so funny for you because it is really anti-thetical to your personality)--I will call you this week, man! I did enjoy your stoner message, though...."heeeeyyyyyy...es-pi-onaaage...." he he.
posted by Record Album
@ 21:26
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Thursday, October 11, 2001
vicki, here is that link i was talkign about. everyone else, here is this crazy alternative news site on the internet with a lot of alternate news concerning the war and what is gogi no nover there. I don't know how dependable this site is, but whatev.
www.debka.com
posted by rayve nation
@ 17:00
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A boy slept in my bed last night with me. After a long night of vodka and pierogie making, what more could you ask for? Well Universe, could I ask just this much more: could we make-out next time? It was good without the make out this time though. Then at 7:30 he left on his motorcycle and that is hot.
posted by Record Album
@ 14:58
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Wednesday, October 10, 2001
sweet dancing hippies, dylan was good!
it was a very one love kind of gathering.
in other news, vic and steph, would you please stop giving me the kit r. treatment and return my phone calls?
posted by K-Lo
@ 15:42
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Let me continue pretending that my grandma saying "you don't know what it's like to be in war" is what we talked about in a dream and not in real life...
Yesterday, my grandma told me that the way to rope a Ukrainian boy in is to make him a ham sandwich. I told her that it's good to know, but I'd only ever make a boy a sandwich out of vegetables. She told me to stop that nonsense and make a boy a ham sandwich and not even say anything...just give the ham sandwich to him. Then we proceeded to disagree about Jesus being a vegetarian (with the exception of eating fish), because I told her that if Jesus came a knockin' I would not make HIM a ham sandwich. Then she proceeded to deny ever saying that she thought I was a Buddhist lesbian because I was a vegetarian. Man, you just have to love that lady.
In other news, I have an interesting excerpt in response to your post, Matt.
(this might not make total sense out of context)
"Sin, therefore, has to be seen both in the capacity to set up prideful, antagonistic relations to others and in the passivity of men and women who acquiesce to the group ego. This passivity has been primary for women, but the hostility of the male group ego toward inferiors is also based on the insecurity of lacking a grounded self. One's "superiority" is based on a passive identification with the group ego, so one is always afraid that if one appears different, the male group ego will repudiate you as a member of that group. Men are kept in line with the ego model of masculinity by constant threats that their fellow males will repudiate them as "effeminate". One cannot just idealize collective group ego as salvation but must seek a new synthesis in which the dichotomy between egoistic individualism and passive acquiescence in group roles is transcended in the self that is grounded in community as a free and individuated self."
-Rosemary Radcliffe Ruether
posted by Record Album
@ 02:34
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Vicki or Stephanie, can you tell me again the name of the homes next to St. Ignatius that were recently knocked down? I tried to find the name onlien but ot no avail.
posted by rayve nation
@ 02:11
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Tuesday, October 09, 2001
did you hear this about Bin Laden announcing that there would be more hijackings? I dunno. Maybe there is some cause for caution.
posted by rayve nation
@ 22:50
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Monday, October 08, 2001
why are you afraid of flying because of this? the amount of security on planes is absurdly high! i'm not at all scared about flying to montreal in a week, a.k.a., I AM STILL COMING FOR SURE STEPHANIE AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN GODDAMMIT!
is the whole fucking world gonna shut down? are we all kidding!? i have a reoccuring thought now which is that i pretend out of the blue, in the middle of a whatever it is that i am doing the windows get blown in and they start dropping bombs outside. and i guess then im dead. and so fucking what. if my world has to be based in fear i wish someone would just hurry up with it.
two men are controlling all our lives right now and they're both fighting for the same thing and it's the same thing men fight about since the beginning of time - their cocks. WELL FUCK THAT. cock runs my life anyway. it's not going to run my death.
posted by vic
@ 19:01
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More I read, more creeping fear overcomes me.
My mom and dad were supposed to go to Newark this weekend, but they're stopping their plans, which I am very happy about. I have a plane ticket home for Thanksgiving and I am pretty apprehensive about it.
posted by Record Album
@ 18:04
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on a lighter note, whilest i was lookign at blogger.com i happened upon this Real World Chicago Guerilla site. It is so hilarious. I guess I find it interesting mainly because it is taking place in Chicago, but it also exposes how ridiculous the whole concept of the real world is.
posted by rayve nation
@ 14:33
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this world is ridiculous.
whatever, dude, smoke weed everyday.
posted by vic
@ 12:04
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the more i get to know people here, the more physically beautiful they all become. the faces of the girls that i met here the first week look nothing like the faces of the same girls now. it's so satisfying to have new friend love.
really crazy: i asked the universe to send me some female friends that i could have a good relationship with. i consciously opened myself up to the possibilty of meeting any girls at all. then we got attacked and i fogot that i had put that thought out there. a month later i'm talking to my mom on the phone about how i have made these good girl friends and she says, "oh see, the universe provided."
by being unconscious and not trying to manipulate anything i recieved what i had originally been looking for.
im not sad anymore.
dear universe, i would like for this fucking personal plant report lab that i have to do to be done right now. i am not going to try to manipulate fate by actually doing it myself. thanks, your pal, vicki
posted by vic
@ 02:06
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Sunday, October 07, 2001
Vicki I would like to clarify. I am not riding this endless high or anything. I had a really good weekend, but it was probably the first really good weekend i have had since I came to visit you and kelly at beloit. (I know it wasn't on a weekend, but it was still a ton of fun). I think the reason I had fun this weekend is because all of the sudden me and roxy are single again and we are going boy crazy (yes stephanie I am still boy crazy). Shawn too, to a certain extent. And we were going so boy crazy that at one point we were all three in this tiny room of mine and we couldn't get off of the ground, we were just shoutign and yellign and going boy crazy and rollign around the floor, and it was half madness we were actign so crazy and gradeschool/sudden infant death syndrom. I think this rush of excitement was really just a rush of hormones and blah blah blah i don't know how to end this so i will just end with mike is boy crazy.
posted by rayve nation
@ 21:11
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i'm having boy problems and we're bombing afghanistan.
posted by vic
@ 14:16
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p.s. read post before this and then know this now, as i just learned: he has a girlfriend.
pity...party of one is as follows.
the way history of me has shown to repeat itself is this - everything that happens, happens, and always at the wrong time.
(my mom would say that of course now is the right time because when else would it possibly happen? you are on your own path and everything is as it should be. the tao would say there is nothing besides now so shut-up.)
i don't think i really want to drudge up the details of my life. we all know what i could say here - oh wah,wah, wah, things happened to me as a teenager way too fast, i did too much stuff that i shouldn't have been doing at a too young age, i purposely put myself in situations which were destructive...and who fucking cares. when i was younger i wore my history like a badge of honor. when you don't consciously know the reasons why you're doing things all you can do is just make up a facade to deal with it.
now i know why and i don't want to hurt myself anymore and i don't want to deny my "past" (hi, im fucking 19 years old, fucking hell), but i respect my life too much to let it define me.
and i wonder how much of my feelings about this situation has to do with the fact that so deep in my psyche, probably in everyone's psyche, is this belief that another person could be the answer. and i know that of course this is not true; but it's so much easier to let someone else do the work for you. and it's just reality that even though we all keep searching for this, no one else ever can.
it's so hard to give this up fully that i could fucking sob right now thinking about it. up until this second i have been believing that this other person had given me this experience which revealed to me that things could be different. and i guess i semi-rationalized it that this boy had given me this gift of sorts - this knowledge that men and women do not have to be like this and oh! couldnt we just be so happy together learning and growing and BLAH BLAH BLAH! and it's all bullshit because i have known this all along. i have possessed this knowledge since the beginning of my time but it's the acknowledging that's the hard part.
call and response is futile. no person is my answer. there is no savior. the reason why nobody wants to take responsibilty for their life is because it is just plain fucking hard. and i know that the sooner i give it up, FUCKING GIVE IT UP, is when it will cease being hard.
god, we're all so gross. who the fuck are we kidding walking around with clothes on? who's being fooled here? we are nothing but a bunch of ripped open, bleeding, pussing wounds. and you can scab over all you want. you can scab, and scar and heal so that on the surface all anyone can see is that somewhere back there you got marked but, don't worry, it's OK now. liars. we are the walking wounded.
i just want to be naked. i want everything to be stripped down to its rawest possible level so we can all just stop kidding ourselves into thinking that there's anything else. dominant/submissive, savior/sinner, man/woman - these are nothing and we are all doing our damndest to make sure that we dont catch on to this because once it all crumbles you think youre left with nothing. i want to fess up because there is nothing there worth protecting, and there is nothing really there to try to hide.
posted by vic
@ 04:15
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I just got an extremely poor in taste joke forward about Osama Bin Laden, Uncle Sam, and a Canadian. The punch line was basically "kill all Afghans, ha ha, they deserve it because of Bin Laden." It was so offensive and stupid. I feel that I should reply all to it and say something about it, but I won't, because these people are too foolish to understand.
Things to be happy about: life, the Dalai Lama, Carole King, crushes, and....Vicki "fuck the patriarchy" Conrad sending me an e-mail that said "I'm coming to montreal from october 17-21, hope you don't want to kill me". Ah, tricks and suprises are my favorite form of human interaction/ low level amusement.
Strange aside: Ella and my sister are going through parallel life situations right now and coincedentally have the same birthday.
posted by Record Album
@ 03:17
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