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Saturday, July 29, 2000
1st off i would like to say that i am such a parody of myself it isn't even funny. guess what i bought today? fake leather black pants. i deserve a smack. right after i saw that girl in leather pants and wondered what she was thinking! jesus, i slay me.
i was watching the monkees movie on vh1 today while i was supposed to be doing something else(no doubt) and it was really good! my favorite part is when all the guys are sitting around with jack nicholson and their movie director friend smoking joints and of course vh1 had to add all this sitar music in the background, y'know, so it's authentic looking and all. anyway, they're talking about what they're going to do in their movie and jack nicholson(wha?) says, "you guys are all like dandruff in somebody's hair". and then they filmed it. god bless it when high talk becomes reality.
tomorrow is new orleans. marisa and i are going to new orleans in 18 hours. i can hardly believe it. i'm a little nervous but it's only cuz i had this crazy dream where new orleans was full of scary people and nobody spoke english at the hostel and they were all wearing wool and in their 30s and marisa and all my other friends kept running away. and i went to bed sober. (gee, if i had a nickel for everytime i could have said that in the last month i'd have 1 nickel. hahaha)
ok. mike's coming over now and we're going to eat out. im so excited i could spit! ahhh! new orleans!!
"at least i'm not smoking pot all day trying to find some sort of "oneness" with the world" - davey jones to peter tork. ooooh, hilarity.
posted by vic
@ 18:18
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Friday, July 28, 2000
well, i didn't go to the show. instead i stayed at home and watched stand-up alone which is something i haven't done in a long time but always enjoy. tonight i had the pleasure of watching ellen degeneres. let me just say that while i was an early fan, i ended up really not liking her after she came out on the show. who cares what my reasons were (internalized homophobia, im an asshole, blah blah..she focused too much on the lesbianism), it doesn't matter cuz it was the best stand-up i've ever seen.i love ellen degeneres. i would not have missed that show for anything. i cant explain it - fuckin' brilliant.
i also bought two radiohead albums today. and i cleaned out my lungs w/ the old eucalyptus steam in my face trick.works like a charm.
now if you'll excuse me, it's 10:30 on a friday and i'm going to bed.
oh, now, don't look so sad...thom yorke and ellen degeneres are calling! (whoa - there's a weird duo!)
posted by vic
@ 22:51
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a memo just went out today. you are no longer allowed to smoke outside in FRONT of this building. thank god i just quit.
posted by vic
@ 13:59
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i just was alienated at yet another office party. the commissioner's b-day was a great success, i guess. i just got my fried chicken (the first time i've ever had popeye's) and went back to my desk like the leper i am. it's sad b/c my desk is right in front of the door to the conference room where the party is being held so any <asskissers>partypeople</asskissers> - (hah! that's for you, mike!) can look out and see the pathetic abomination that is me eating mosstaccioli off a paper plate alone. well, at least i've got my youth. and chlamydia, but hey, who's counting??*
*those is jokes. i do NOT have the clap.
posted by vic
@ 13:11
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well...holy hell has broken loose here at cdot. today is the commissioner's birthday and there is all this sneakery going on in the office. i guess they're having a party and keeping it a secret from her. consequently, it has been kept a secret from me too as i am not involved in office life. *sob*.
i am thoroughly disappointed with myself. marisa and i have discussed how disappointment is a fool's feeling and i still think it is. i don't allow anybody else to "disappoint" me, but i really blew it with myself this time. i think i have fucking bronchitis again. i had it like five months ago and that was when i quit smoking the first time and didn't buy a pack for three months. i swore up and down that i would never smoke my own cigarettes ever again and i stuck to it for a while. but now im back on the smokestack again and i have this stupid problem again. i dont know what to do. i CANNOT be sick for new orleans and i only have three days to medicate myself. on top of all this my wisdom tooth is coming in creating mind-splitting headaches and overall congestion. did you know that teeth coming in can cause colds and flu for some reason? who knew! (i could be making this up: who knows!)
mike, mi, and i are supposed to go to see the rondelles tonight at the fireside but i don't know if i can stand that hellhole. yeah, yah, i know the kids love it but i don't. i dont want to expose myself to all that smoke and disease when im trying to get better fast. it seems like a bad idea but mike will probably want to kill me. hmmm...friendship or health. well, at least i dont have to decide between my god and country. hah!
*on one of the fireside pages i was looking at to try to find out what time the blasted show starts i found something very very funny and ironic posted on the f'in fireside message boards!! by everyone's favorite wannabe hipster monika. i would link it but i'm too lazy and who really cares anydamnway?
posted by vic
@ 10:36
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Thursday, July 27, 2000
I just had this thought while I was riding my bike to Blockbuster: What if there was a little boy who was afraid to ride his bike because of a certain fear that he would become one of thise little kids in those action/comedy movies where there's the big chase, and this big guy comes up to him and steals his bike to catch the bad guy, and the little kid says, "hey! that's my bike!" Then the big guy says, "sorry, kid." And what if because of that the kid never rode his bike? I bet there's a name for that...
posted by rayve nation
@ 22:55
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another office party was just had. they make me feel like a creep and they make me wish i had an eating disorder. heh.
i just got back from signing all these bonds or something im not really sure...point is i'm sitting at this banker's and i realize she has some sort of affiliation with my father and his family. i get such a weird feeling when strangers start talking to me about my family like they know anything about what really goes on. it makes me sick. i hate denial and phonieness more than anything.
so the other point is that the bankers are blyth and associates: that's dan blyth's parents. dan blyth my boyfriend! strange days. the lady who knows my dad told me to make myself a sandwich so i did. i also had the first carbonated beverage to touch my tongue in almost three weeks. the firey hell-like burning sensation immediately reminded me why i had given it up...now, if only i could do that with cigarettes!
3 hours left. this day is moving at the speed of molasses.
posted by vic
@ 13:43
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oops..i screwed something up. what i was trying to say is go to this site now! i need a campaign so that i can sleep with the entire staff!
posted by vic
@ 10:58
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take me to the hospital: i'm crushed
i think i have a huge crush on kit r. i don't know how this happened. well, i know how it happened but i am still so confused. when he left i was so happy to just not have been treated like a piece of meat but then when i woke up this morning i was all, "but i slept alone."
argh! confusion! there was nothing sexual between us at all but we're obviously both sexual beings. i've never talked with someone i could sleep with the way i talked to him. we talked about everything. we laughed constantly. we roasted baby potatoes (all different flavors and colors - tres magnifique!) on skewers and drank cranberry-lime juice out of matching pink plastic glasses. we decided that must be how crazy people eat.
we talked about travel and robots and tapeworms and short films and he is so full of shit about everything and i love it! he tells me all these insane lies about nothing and then he sticks to it like it's gospel. i cannot figure out this person for the life of me.
and right now he is probably across the street at shitty hall picking up dog liscenses. sigh.
i didn't want to think about someone else besides me, dammit!
i want to talk to him NOW! shit! i am so totally crushed out!
posted by vic
@ 09:27
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this is one of the weirdest medical things i've ever seen...and where do i get this parasite?
posted by vic
@ 08:52
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i always knew that if i asked kit r. what the ultimate prank was he would know. and he did.
muwahahaha - i will not yet reveal it though as it is super brilliant yet sublimely simple.
i just had the greatest sexless evening ever. i've never actually appreciated a straight male human being before (wait - except for matt h.). it was really cool. i am very content. we talked for three and a half hours about complete crazy shit. i am amazed every day with the...everything.
goodnight!
posted by vic
@ 00:45
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Wednesday, July 26, 2000
whoooooa, nelly. the kit r. date is about to take place in a half hour! thank god i had a pre-date date with my other boyfriend, george glass a while ago! i talked to kit on the phone and everything is fine. he managed to bring up tiny robots in your blood vessels so i know i have nothing to worry about. we're going to make potatoes.
marisa - you are here in spirit for sure!
posted by vic
@ 20:00
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i managed to feed the cats this morning and give that darn cat her pill. i even put a load in the washer. already i don't feel so pathetic and slovenly! ack! this kit r. thing is making me crazy! dammit, i wish marisa was here so bad so she could tell me to shut-up. i keep forgetting that he is a really good guy who is just like us. i keep trying to turn him into some jerk who managed to find out that i had turned 18, my mom was outta town and i put out all in 2 weeks and THAT'S why he called. but that's not it at all. he's just weird kit r.
i am SO not used to being pursued. By "pursued" i mean he called me twice. hahaha.
posted by vic
@ 10:55
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Tuesday, July 25, 2000
things i had to do today
1. feed cats
2. give josie her pill
3. water gardens
4. do laundry
5. eat fruits and vegetables
things i did today
drank a corona and finished off the ny super fudge chunk ben and jerry's
moral of story: i am full of good intentions.
at least i picked up my tire so i can stop driving around on the doughnut i have been since sat. the guy at the firestone told me all about his baby daughter. it was so sweet. he showed me all these pictures and told me about the day she was born. i am turning into my mother. i have never met anyone with the ability to develop lasting bonds with store employees the way she does. and it's not phoney either. my mom can meet someone and immediately treat them as she would a good friend. turning into her would be the best thing i could ever hope for.
tomorrow is d-day for real. marisa where are you? i never thought for a second that i would have to face kit r. d-day ultimate showdown alone! i always thought it would be a monster collaboration! ahhhh!
frankie is sitting downstairs watching my cable. im going to bed. he knows how to lock up. goodnight.
posted by vic
@ 22:46
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what a LOVELY day! i discovered that there is another farmer's market not too far from my office so i went there during my lunch. it's not as good as the one at the daley center but i did pick up a bag of all kinds of baby potatoes. i'm so excited - there is one kind that is all blue, inside and out. the farmer's market is the best thing to ever happen to urban life. everytime i go, the second i see the booths, a rush of good feelings flows over me. the people that work there have such crystal clear faces and eyes. there is an aura that radiates off of people who are one with the earth that is so refreshing and renewing. i feel better just talking to these people. i also bought a bunch of green peppers and some goat herb cheese. mmmm...goooats. the thing is that now my house is overflowing with fruits and vegetables which would not be a bad thing but i am all on my own and will not be able to eat all of these without some help. i should have a farmerfoodfiesta!
there is a boy that works for Mark's Family Farms that could quite possibly be the most beautiful human being i have ever seen. i know what it is - when you look at the farmers it's like you can see right through them. in a good way. in an inner peace way.
if anyone cares i now know what katie biebel has been up to since she got the boot from ignatius. you might remember her from such incidents as stealing karen's wallet. well, she is now part of thievery that is bigger than just one girl. i believe she has started an illustrious career in "scamming". oh, i shouldn't say that. maybe the "salon" she works at with the other scamp she stands with on the corner really is looking for "beautiful young women to be pampered...for FREE!" She stands at different locations in the downtown area w/ this shady boy and they harass only exceptionally good-looking people. i can't figure it out. i just know what she avoids my eyes everytime i walk past. she now has a lip and nipple peircing as well as a REALLY cute haircut. i wish i could find those stickers she passed out when she was running for freshman class president just a short three years ago - "don't be feeble - vote for beibel" and stick one on the ass of her leather pants. who is she kidding? what are people doing wearing leather in the summer anyway?
well, being that i am at work i might wanna try putting that noun in verb form. did that make any sense?
mike is brilliant - he has decided i am "oral-rentative" b/c that would be the opposite of anal-retentive. now i have to go smoke a cigarette and bite my fingers. heehee.
posted by vic
@ 13:13
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Monday, July 24, 2000
i swear sometimes xrt is the best fucking fix in the world. there are times at nght that you can turn it on and every song for an hour will be brilliant. ahhh, chicago. i will always love you best.
my date with george was great. i wore my dmb shirt with tye-dye(is that how you spell that? i've never tried before. rrright....). he wore a blue bandanna.
i had a good time by myself tonight. i drove by the people i used to baby-sit for and i became overcome with this desire to see elliot, the little boy. after i passed his house and was half-way down the block, i saw him riding his bike. he didn't see me and he was so happy, laughing and pedaling really fast. i think he's five.
i think my goal is to get back to that kind of ease. i really want to pinpoint the age when innocence is lost and go back to it. we think we need this external stimulus and we don't. i don't know if it's a western culture thing, but there is such a race to grow up going on now and it's not what we need. i look back on journals that i wrote when i was in my early teens and i see where it started happening. i was in such a frenzy to grow up as fast as i could.
and i succeeded.
what i have to do now is teach myself how to go back.
when i was 16 and in the complete eye of the grow-up-too-fast hurricane i wrote this poem. it was the 4th of july and i ended up sitting watching the fireworks in the driveway with my mom. it is one of my most vivid memories ever. i was so upset that i was 16 and sitting with my lame mother on our lame block instead of out with the local northwest side losers, suppressing my intelligence and hoping for some boy who couldn't see anything to see something in me. i don't know if i should even post it but it is something that i always come back to so i will.
people are taught to be like firecrackers
we're set off at night,
taunted until we explode and self-destruct,
as beautiful as any suicide lit up in the night sky.
and we are in awe of firecrackers because they
live the fast life and burn up young while they're still
hot and gorgeous instead of the moon
which shines brightest and is always there with its strength.
people are taught to be symbols of independence
but still to be feuled by someone else's fire.
i knew it then, i just didn't know how to put it into effect. i don't think i really knew what was so un-satisfying about trying to live so fast and so hard until a couple months ago. my entire life has evolved. i am so happy now. there's so much i can't even explain it. i can never put into words what has happened to me. i just have to put it into practice.
this fourth of july i went to morton grove with my neighbors and their family. there were around 10 of us and we put down a blanket in morton grove with all the other suburban families and just watched. we laughed and frankie lay back with his head in my lap and we pretended to be boyfriend/girlfriend. then we walked back to the car with his parents and molly, and mary's friends and frankie turned one of the blankets into a sarong. there we are crossing this busy, people filled street. me and the farrelly's. it was one of the greatest nights of this summer (this life). i have been known to try to turn everything into a production. i have been known to like high-drama events, big fiascos, and turning everything into something. but what i've learned is that this is something. this is it. and this is perfect.
just to clarify: i'm not pretentious. i'm just a stoner.
goodnight!
posted by vic
@ 21:51
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alright so this has already become an addiction. blah blah. just one to add to the growing multitude! if my mom was here or marisa i would just talk to them but they're not so hah.
i just called kit r. and we are doing something on wednesday! he was in a hurry and said "thanks a lot" when we said our goodbyes. see, he IS cute! what we are going to do on wednesday is for the time unknown. dirty sex? avant-garde filmmaking?
ten bucks says that on wednesday i'll be sitting by the phone with shaved legs and there will be no phone call. he's very "slipped my mind"
oh well. blip blip. now i have a date with my boyfriend george glass. hahaha. george glass = marisa's gift for me from phish. get it? george glass? let it be known that it is one of the funniest things mike has ever thought of. at first we were calling it "hellman's" but that was so weird and foreign. am i talking? oh, these kids today...
posted by vic
@ 18:25
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MUWAHAHAHAH!!! I figured it out!! well, really mike figured it out. well, it was a collaboration. it involved me hacking into marisa's account though so i hope she doesn't care. dammit, it was for the good of the monster. i was feeling so off earlier on account of my mom being out of town. it's so weird the first night she leaves. i'm fine now though. this was just what i needed. i swear, the only thing i will ever truly aspire to be is easily pleased. what else is there? now i am off to call kit r. (where are you?) and attempt to get him to come over and drink my mom's coronas. aye aye!
posted by vic
@ 18:06
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Sunday, July 23, 2000
again, this is NOT mike. hahaha...he doesn't know im doing this. perhaps i will wreak havoc on this b/c i know his password. if you write me an email, i'll tell you what it is!
posted by rayve nation
@ 13:58
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OK - THIS IS not mike. I repeat this is NOT mike. It's vicki. but twoheadedmonster is down and the server is i think, resting, so i couldnt fill out the blogger form. blah blah blah it's not important. I wanna blog, i do! but i really wanna pop the cherry on my own account so consider this just a test. i <3 mike ray. if he was felix, i would bone him.
posted by rayve nation
@ 02:26
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this is a test of the emergency stoner system, this is just a test, dude
posted by rayve nation
@ 02:10
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